- Do you like to figure things out?
- Do you look for solutions until you come up with something?
Our brains are built to evaluate and problem-solve. They are solution-seeking machines!
Stuck
But what happens when we get stuck in problem-solving mode? What happens when we neglect to use the other functions of our brain, our hearts, and our spirits?
Spending too much time in problem-solving mode can have an effect on how we view ourselves, others, and even our relationship with God. Do any of these sound familiar?
- “Oh, why did I eat that extra serving at dinner? I was full and now I feel gross. I HAVE to set up a plan – but I know I will just keep failing … why I don’t stick to things … this really shows that I have NO self-control …”
- “I can’t believe she did that again…why doesn’t she listen to my warnings … they’re from God, and I always say them with compassion… she overworks and overthinks everything…
Does any of that inner dialogue sound familiar? How about this one:
- “God, I did what You asked me to do! Why didn’t it work out? Why am I suffering now? That person over there did the same thing — but they got blessed! You have got to turn things around for me now.
And it keeps going…
- We criticize ourselves…
- We criticize others with our helpful “tips” … in “love” of course…
- And… the majority of our prayers are filled with what we think God should or should not do.
How do I get unstuck?
Let me share a story of something that may help. In December I joined a group that was reading through a Devotional on Advent. The focus was to savor thoughts of Jesus’s first and second coming. It was fabulous. I spent time everyday reading, reflecting on, and talking with others about the text. My brain was operating in a different state known as meditation. And practicing and maintaining consistency with others helped me.
Then, in January, I began memorization with a friend of a verse from the Bible. She decided to use Romans 8:1-4. Unexpectedly, Dr. Tim Keller’s podcast (https://podcast.gospelinlife.com/) was likewise concentrating on Romans 8 for the month. I received a number of reinforcements that encouraged me to keep returning to this passage.
And the best news
Not only did I have some structure that made it easier for me to meditate, but I had God’s help. Jesus promised God’s Holy Spirit would help us. (See John 14–16.)
Your Turn
- Ask for God’s help to notice when your brain goes into “criticizing mode.”
- Ask God to help you turn your thoughts to Him and all He completed on the cross.
- Ask God to show you someone you can share your focus with – either a theme or a Scripture passage about Him.
Dancing on His Path,
Shell
P.S. Let me know in the comments or contact form what you are experiencing with this experiment.
Shell,
This totally happens to me. My daughter was in a tough situation and was talking to me all the details and again I started to give advice. She stormed upstairs. She has specifically asked me before just listen to her before and I seem keep forgetting.
I did a few times just shown sympathy, but this time failed again. I guess I wanted to remind her think as a leader, not try to complaint and set herself apart from her team. Pray God help me remember.
Thank you so much for sharing Cindy. I can certainly relate! There are times I wish I could catch the words flying out of my mouth and change them! I also respect and understand your heart as a parent. Since we have more experience and genuinely care for our kids, there is so much we can offer. Nevertheless, the timing seems to be the key here. Most of us, both adults and adolescents, want to feel like we have some control or what is called agency. That means the freedom to think for ourselves first. It is painful to watch people struggle when we believe our ideas would help them. But God shows us His patience as an example and gives us the invitation to love by listening first with compassion. The problem is that most of us haven’t experienced this kind of love so we don’t know how to offer it. The exciting thing is that our perfect Father will teach us and He will love us and give us grace as we learn. In a relationship, when the storm has passed, you can go back to the person you did not listen to and ask for forgiveness. Ask for another chance and listen as they tell you how hurt they may feel when you didn’t listen. Lastly, let’s stop and celebrate all the times you have listened to her and shown her compassion. You are a wonderful person and a caring parent Cindy. Keep receiving God’s love and passing it on to your daughter.
Hi Shelley! This was a timely read and a God thing for sure! Next week I am having a tough discussion with a dear friend of 45 years who has been deconstructing her faith for about 5 years now. I have been avoiding the subject with her because, well, you know me Shell, I’m not a soft spoken and gentle personality….. But a I really want to know how she is doing spiritually so I am plunging in with the question, not for debate but for caring inquiry. Thank you for your insight. I WILL listen, and listen, and then listen some more, and then leave it with the Lord, and thank her for sharing it with me. Blessings to you and Mark! I have only VERY wonderful memories of our time together on this journey.
I agree about the brain… our “thought life”, but thank GOD Goodness, that we have a heart and spirit where His fruits remain. All we have to do is take a deep breath, wait in stillness, hear HIS thoughts, and then release those.
Thank you, Mary. Your input is excellent and I appreciate you taking the time to share. I am also so thankful for the times we get to stop in stillness and listen together. Isn’t He AMAZING!
Oh Lori I will be praying. That is so hard. I really will be praying. Let me know if there is anything I can do to support you. We both know your friendship and partnership made ALL THE DIFFERENCE in my life during those pretty rough years in Calgary. I love you so much.