A friend of mine was asked by one of her kids what she wanted for Mother’s day. She took a deep breath and let out a long sigh and said,

“Oh, that you children would get along!”

Could that be how our Heavenly Father feels? We see His desire that we love one another all throughout the Bible. 1 John 4:12 says that no one can see God but if we love one another, He is revealed.

All the Christians I know have the desire to make God happy and love one another. But I am not sure we always know how to do this! This is especially true when it comes to people who are hurting. Let me give you an example of a comment you may relate to.

“I don’t know what to do, I tried to explain what really happened and the person got more upset! … Then they started accusing me of things when I was only trying to help. I’m just going to avoid this person now. I don’t know what else to do.”

Have you ever felt this way?

  • Has someone lashed out in anger when you were just trying to help?
  • Did you find yourself avoiding this person?

But you think …

“What else am I to do?

Inner bullies

In the last post, we exposed the accusing voice in our heads called the “inner bully.” This voice insults and blames you for things, especially when you are tired or stressed. It makes you feel inadequate and tries to get you to solve situations on your own. It is like a mosquito in your room on a hot summer’s night. You may be able to ignore it during the day but when you try to get quiet it drives you crazy! There is nothing louder than a mosquito on the hunt.

When we believe the inner bully

Everyone experiences this accusing voice from time to time. The trouble comes when we can’t hear anything and we start acting the way our bully is treating us. When this happens, our inner bully looks for more people it can convince. The Bible calls this voice the accuser of the brethren. This voice will insult and blame anyone they can get to listen. And that is our first clue. Who are we listening to?

A person is more than their thoughts and words

This inner bully voice can fool us into believing and acting in ways that are not our true selves. When that happens, people around us may also forget that we are God’s beloved children.

So ask yourself when someone is saying and doing things that are not in sync with who they are as God’s child.

Is this person being duped by an inner bully, an accusing voice?

Let me be clear. I am not suggesting we are to be a doormat and let someone continually take out their frustrations on you. I am advocating for being strong in our inner being so that we can listen and love. But how do we do that?

What did Jesus do?

Jesus had an amazing ability to see into a person’s heart better than the person could themselves. He had one ear to the Father at all times as He only did what the Father was doing.

In the story told in John chapter 4, Jesus patiently listened as He talked to the Samaritan woman at the well. He was able to underneath their own accusing voices. It is a great story if you haven’t read it. The woman had come to the well in the heat of the day when no or fewer people would be there. She was a woman living with a man that was not her husband. Jesus did not condemn or push her.

Jesus was able to see into Peter’s heart. Peter had denied knowing Jesus on the night Jesus was accused. After Jesus rose from the dead, He was able to tell Peter exactly what Peter needed to hear to confront the shame that was consuming Peter’s thoughts.

What can we do?  

We have the same invitation from the Father as Jesus did when He lived on the earth. We are God’s children and can be led by His Spirit. See Romans chapter 8.

What could this mean for our relationships?

Your Turn

  • Imagine what it would feel like if someone patiently loved you when you were being accused by an inner bully? What would that be like?
  • Imagine what it would be like to see beyond the anger and fear of a person to the heart that God has given them.

Let me know what you think.

Dancing with you on His Path of Joy,


PS – Again, I am not advocating for being a doormat for someone’s sinful behavior. More on that next time. For now, think of what could be possible by following God’s Spirit of understanding and wisdom. Feel free to request the tip sheet here I am creating with more tips on how to walk alongside hurting people.