It is tempting to avoid thinking about my tendency to want things “in order.” That is the nice nice way to admit I want control. For the past few weeks, we have been getting tests, biopsies etc. for my husbands hip. The tests continue to come back, “inconclusive.” That leaves a lot of wiggle room for my thoughts. Especially when we have walked for the past 2 years with a very dear friend who had bone cancer.
What I find is that I start to control other things, such as what my husband eats and does with his time. Then it expands to what other people are doing with their time and then their words etc. Need I continue?
I find just read a blog post from Larry Crabb that made a lot of sense. Mark, my husband, has taught this concept as well in our marriage retreats. I am not sure about all women, but I know for me there is a cycle. a) My fear gets heightened for some reason b) I start to try to control things around me and then c) I either turn people away (feel rejected), burn out, or get convicted soon enough in the cycle to stop it.
Here is the blog post:
“It is possible to reveal God in any circumstance, but a woman must know the battle she is fighting. The enemy is never a passive or abusive husband, or a rebellious son, or a critical parent or friend. Nor is it poor health, or no money, or panic attacks, or depression. A woman’s enemy is her terror-driven urge to control her world, to relate with no higher priority than to protect her heart from hurt. That enemy can only be defeated by a Spirit-granted desire to reveal God’s invitational nature through words that draw others to her with confidence, should they respond, that they will be nourished to become who they could be.
“It is difficult for a woman, even a committed Christian woman, to realize that her efforts to change another are stained by a stubborn concern for her own well-being, a concern that compromises love. The invitational nature of Jesus is not revealed in the words of a woman whose peace depends on the response of another.”
Dr. Larry Crabb, Fully Alive, Page 136
I encourage you to read any of Dr. Crabb’s material and in particular check out his posts on Christian Women. Very encouraging!