What do you do when you feel ugly?

christablack

I was captivated when I heard Christa Black interviewed on the TV program “Life Today.”  Here is an excerpt from the interview on Life Today 1/14/13:

Christa Black – Well, I always say that beauty is a perception issue; it is not just a reflection issue. Any time that you look in the mirror and you see someone that is unworthy of love — the word ugly comes out. That’s what we think, “Oh, I’m ugly.” But really, you’re looking in the mirror and you’re thinking, “What I am, who I am is not lovable.” That comes from all of these experiences that have happened to us. Wounded people wound people so my very first memory of life outside of the home, I had great parents, but my very first memory of life outside the home was sexual. So every time I did look in the mirror, all I could see were all these horrible things that had been done and said to me. So I lived my life to make up for it.

… the Christian drug so many times is food and perfectionism and control. I used food; food was my main drug of choice over the years, and it turned into other things. In high school it was drugs and it was alcohol and then I had a radical transformation with Jesus when I was 18 and so it all went back to food, it all went back to performance. So God Loves Ugly was my story of allowing the unconditional love of the Father into those places in my life that I truly believed were unlovable. 

… So God Loves Ugly was my story of allowing the unconditional love of the father into those places in my life that I truly believed were unlovable. Because so many times we go after the bad fruit of our lives; we go after the anger issue or the pornography addiction or the eating disorder or just even the self hatred and insecurity. But when we allow the medicine of his love into those places it displaces the lies with the truth. It displaces the fear, the anxiety, the self hatred and then you begin to change from the inside out. I didn’t go after my eating disorder and fix it. I was loved to where food has no… 

James: Who did you feel this love was coming from?

Christa: Well, when I was 18, I went to this church with my parents in Canada and my first instrument is the violin and this woman started playing this violin. I let down the drawbridge of my heart enough to where the Spirit of God came in. I was being physically loved. It was like electricity was pulsing through my body and I was experiencing the personification of unconditional love. I got addicted. I had been addicted to everything in the book and tried to fill myself… we weren’t meant to be empty. We were created to be loved. Everybody wants love.

Christa: That encounter in Canada changed it. And there were a lot “Aha!” moments along the way of Father not being just religion, not being just a story in the Bible and this big robed man in the sky, but the tangible… the tangible hands and feet of loving me into wholeness. I’d lay in bed in the morning and I knew what I was capable of in the kitchen and I would just lay there and I would just say, “Father, you have got to come. You have to come love me. You have to come love these places that I think are so shameful that nobody could ever want me.”  And he would come so sweetly and he would crawl down into those places with me, and he would show me the truth over and over and over again to where that is what I got addicted to. I got addicted, not just to loving God but being loved by him. Let me tell you something, loving him is really easy when you know you’re loved.

James: Betty struggled with performance. You talked about performance. How did that affect you because you had always to live up to it?

Betty: It’s tiring to always feel like you’ve got to be somebody that somebody else expects you to be or something; that if they really knew what you felt like inside, they would think you were ugly and that you weren’t fun to be with, and you wouldn’t be a good friend or you wouldn’t be a good person.But like you said, when you receive the love of Jesus and that he is so eagerly waiting to give us his love, if we receive it, to him, and know that you have that relationship with him, it makes all the difference. Then the building process can start, that relationship with him and that love filling you. And then God will show you how to love.

James: So He really wants to be our encourager and we don’t have to perform, he just loves us. Christa has written a song, God Loves Ugly. I think you said you could actually sing that right here. Would you like to hear Christa sing God Loves Ugly? — Because it is true!

 

 

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